The Tears Just Flowed

Today has been a rough day.  I’ll start from the beginning.  This morning we all got up and got dressed and there was a knock on the door.  It was Hazel from downstairs saying Ana Elena (a secretary) from the Institute had called.  She couldn’t get through to us so she called Hazel.  I figured I’d just talk to her when I went up there for the doctor’s appointment at 10:20.  About 20 minutes later, Hazel came back again and said Ana Elena had called her mom, our landlord, and said it was urgent.  So, I began searching the house for the school’s phone list.  It couldn’t be found anywhere.  I called Jil’s house expecting to get Jen, but Jil was home sick(there must be some virus going around).  She gave me Ana Elena’s number, I called and apparently didn’t communicate very well in Spanish because what I heard was Ana Elena is cleaning right now.  So…..I was frustrated and confused.  I wondered if she was calling about our doctor’s appointment.  We walked up to the school and walked by Ana Elena’s desk and sure enough, she was calling to tell us all the appointments had been moved up two hours.  So, we missed the doctor.  It was great to see friends and we passed out some of Elijah’s invitations for his birthday party.

On the walk home, Malachi got very belligerent and cranky.  His throat was really hurting him (but no fever.)  I was starting to think I may need to take him to the hospital if things got worse….how would I do that with three kids and talk in Spanish.  That was all very overwhelming and scary to me.  (I’m now more sane and realize Jen’s here….I’m sure she would have helped me.  And I could find people to watch the boys.)  So I get home, thinking how am I going to explain this to Virginia in Spanish.  It was stressing me out thinking about that and listening to Chi whine and cry the whole way home.  I get home, somehow manage to explain what happened and Malachi finally calmed down.  I felt this deep down urge to cry, but didn’t have any time or privacy to think about that.  We ate lunch, I put the kids down for naps and left for school.  I knew I would have to explain about the doctor thing to Gabriela, my teacher, because I didn’t go to class yesterday because the boys just needed me to take care of them.  I also needed to explain to her that Brian was gone and why he was gone, I just wasn’t exactly sure how it was all going to come out once I got to class.  So, I made it through, but still felt that lump in my throat.  Gabriela went over my oral exam from last week and that’s when the tears started and basically kept coming the rest of class.  She planned out days for me to practice more orally….I knew I needed more oral practice….but for some reason it just really overwhelmed me.  So Mondays are for me to practice sharing about a newspaper article, or movie, or tv show or magazine article…..just something.  Wednesdays are for me to share about anything in my life….family, places I’ve been or want I’ll be doing in AR.  Fridays are for me to share something from the Bible…talk about a verse or book or some kind of theme from the Bible.  Mondays and Fridays sound very, very intimidating to me.  It’s easier to talk in another language about something that is personal to you.  It’s difficult for me in English to review or summarize a movie, etc, and well, the Bible…yeah, that can be difficult in English too.  So then I start going over all my homework exercises and that’s when the tears started flowing….just flowing.  I was trying so hard to pull it together.  Gabriela was very compassionate, she came over and hugged me and prayed for me.  It was very encouraging and sweet.  I managed to finish class and on my walk home in the rain I started crying again. 

I got home and went to my room to change ( my pants were wet from the rain)  and came out and Virginia asked me if everything was okay and why I was sad(I obviously looked like I’d been crying).  With more tears I shared with her class was very difficult today.  She encouraged me that God will give me the strength to learn Spanish.   When she left she encouraged me more saying she was a stranger in this country too (she’s from Nicaragua) and she had sad days too, but God has been her help and strength.  At this point I was feeling like I could still cry and really wanted to call Carmen, our tutor, and tell her not to come today.  But I don’t know her number and I figured if I cry….she won’t care.  She’d only be kind to me.  So as I was trying to explain how things had been I had tears in my eyes, but not the full flow.  It was a very relaxed time to talk and she was very encouraging too.  She’s a very strong believer and the kind of lady who seems extremely wise.  I enjoyed talking with her and after our hour was so glad I didn’t cancel.  The boys were fairly cooperative during the hour.  She invited us to visit her at her house sometime….very great.

So…I’m still emotionally drained, but so very encouraged how God spoke through Spanish today to remind me of his strength and his help.  I’m thankful for all three of these ladies and their strong relationship with our God.

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4 thoughts on “The Tears Just Flowed”

  1. Prayed for you to know God’s strength and comfort right now. So glad that God placed ladies around you to show you compassion. I totally understand the desire/need to cry  when feeling overwhelmed by culture/lanuage stuff. It’s good to let it out. Hope Malachi is better soon!

  2. I’m sorry that it was such a rough day – I’m glad that so many people were there to help and encourage you. I know I don’t know what you are going through, but I definitely understand crying! I pray that today is better and you were able to get some rest last night.

  3. Wow, Tara.  What a crazy day.  I cried reading this.  Thank you for opening up your heart and typing all this out.  I hope it was somewhat therapeutic for you.  I’m so thankful for those three women in your life right now.  We love you and your family so very much.  We’ll continue to pray.  

  4. Oh Tara, I’m so sorry it was such a rough day, I cried as I read this too.  I can’t imagine how overwhelming it must have felt for you.  God is so awesome to provide those women for you, I’m so glad they are there to encourage you. they sound really great.   I hope you felt better after getting those emotions out…we won’t stop praying & love you guys!

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