Homeless

A year ago at the end of September we moved from MD to FL for 6 weeks.  That began our series of homelessness…..we’ve never been houseless, but nothing has exactly felt like home either.  I have days where this place feels like home, but it isn’t.  I look forward to the day of living in a place with furniture that I’ve picked out and maybe even some paint on the walls that I chose and painted.  God has been teaching me a lot on this front…..it’s something I’ve been consistently struggling through ever since we moved here in January.  I was so looking forward to having “my own space”.  Which I’m thankful we have our own space, but I think I was hoping it would be our own “place.”  And well, it hasn’t exaclty met my expectations.  God keeps using my desires for “my own place” to remind me that this isn’t my home, and he continues to redirect my thinking to why I’m here and why I’m doing this.  Okay…so I don’t always choose to think about how God would want me to think about all this and sometimes I wallow.  I’ve had less of those days recently….thank you God.  The reality of living cross-culturally is whether I will ever feel at home anywhere again…..(of course, except for heaven.)  I keep thinking of having my own place, then I’ll be at home…..but then it won’t exactly be like home, because it will in fact somehow be different from how home ever felt.  So…..I’m starting to wonder if I’ll never feel at home again…..and maybe that is exactly where God wants me.  (I just realized that as I typed it.)  What a revelation…..hopefully, that will in fact help me with my expectations. 

On a less philosophical note……

This morning seemed a little cooler than usual and it reminded me of fall.  Oh how I love fall, I’m missing it already.  I would love to see pictures of your trees in your yards…..once the leaves start to turn.  Please share God’s beauty!
I’ve been starting to think of all those fall crafts to do with the boys….and then it seemed silly.  I think maybe I’ll do it anyway.  Hazel downstairs has a Fall wreath with a scarecrow on her door……so maybe it isn’t so silly.

I’ve already started my list of things that we’ll be selling when we leave here in a little more than 2 months.  It brings me great satisfaction to know I’ll be cleaning out again soon….I get excited just thinking about it.  Crazy.

Brian’s been practicing the guitar a lot lately…and I can’t wait for the day when we can just sit around and sing together.  What a happy family time.  My aunt had given Elijah “Philadelphia Chickens” for his 2nd birthday.  The Sandra Boyton book with all the songs….Brian had adopted the song, ‘Snuggle Puppy” as a song to sing to the boys.  They love it.  He’s practicing it right now….cute. 

Brian and I now know why we were able to get a mortgage from Washington Mutual  in 2003 in Philly with almost zero salary……we always thought it was our high credit score……hmmmmm.

The boys….
Keep making more friends at the park.  It’s so fun to here them talk in broken Spanish with their little friends. 
Zekey is really into hitting other kids now…Em usually falls victim to it.  The kids at the park do too.  It’s so frustrating and I don’t really know what do to do help him stop.  We talk about being gentle…and he will for about 5 seconds and then he hits again!
All three are really into playing with playdough and coloring with markers.  Brian and I bought some crayola markers a week and a half ago…..they were $6!  Crazy price!  The markers are already drying out….the boys have loved coloring in all the coloring books Grammy brought to them. 

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7 thoughts on “Homeless”

  1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on “home.” It is definitely a concept that becomes so real when living cross-culturally. It is hard to feel unsettled in the place where you live, but I think time plays an important part. I remember the first time I looked forward to going back to our flat in Budapest, feeling like it was our real home and this summer was the first time I looked forward to coming back to our current home. I agree, too, that we won’t feel completely at home until heaven and it’s great that you have reminded us of that. I am reminded of that when I think about my family…I will not be with all of my children until heaven and that gives me a yearning for heaven that I might not have otherwise. I’m grateful for that despite the otherwise painful reality. Sorry for such a long comment. I am glad you shared because I have a lot to think about from your post…

  2. I can relate to every single word you wrote about home.  Thank you so much for writing your thoughts out.  And for the encouragement about why we feel this way.  Is tomorrow Friday yet?  I want to go to our coffee shop šŸ™‚

  3. Thanks for asking on my blog how I was doing today.  Jo still isn’t sleeping well at night and last night was the worst.  Aaron and I are pretty tired.  My mom has been a super help.  I still need my pain medicine but not as much.  Today I walked up our steps to the upstairs and I showered!!!

  4. Great post. I loved your thoughts about home. In a much lesser sense, I have been having the same thoughts. Wondering if this house doesn’t feel like my home because it is missing all of my people and experiences, or if it is just because we have never lived in a house we didn’t build before. Also, your revelation about your mortgage…very funny. I mean, I guess I shouldn’t laugh about the economic crisis, but your words were funny šŸ™‚ I am sorry that you are having to deal with a hitting phase, but I think it will pass. Ian went through a “getting thrown out of the church nursery on a regular basis for knocking kids on their butts” phase around 18 months. We dealt with it seriously as I am sure you guys are, and it passed.

  5. thanks for writing about “home”….that’s definitely the part that scares me the most about overseas ministry–what my house will be like and I always feel so selfish thinking like that! I have the normal scares i.e. distance from family & language barriers, but right up there is having a house I can decorate the way I want it to be with the paint and furniture I choose….Joel always thinks I’m so silly when I bring this up–it was comforting that its hard for others too, not saying its right…but nice to know others are actually living it out while wrestling with it!

  6. You pretty much said it perfectly.  I’ve been “homeless” for so long now that I think I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like to have a realhome.  But maybe I’m just being melodramatic.  You are right, though, It is where God wants us.  I’m sure of it.  I laughed about the mortgage thing, too.  Like Jessi said, it’s not really funny, just sort of bizarre what they’ve done with the economy.  And if you don’t laugh…  Sorry about the hitting phase, but it’s really cool that your boys are making so many friends at the park.  Kids are awesome. 

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